


Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 474

by crazyoldhermit



Series: Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit [22]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 06:15:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6459100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyoldhermit/pseuds/crazyoldhermit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The satirical saga continues.  Obi-Wan is fed up with Mace’s odd behavior, and after tracking him down discovers a terrible secret.  A new super villain is introduced.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ramblings of a Crazy Old Hermit - Day 474

TATOOINE - Day 474:

Today I am going to discover what the former "Master" Windu has been up to. I don't like that he commandeered Anakin's lightsaber, and that Tuskens have been attacked by someone with a similar weapon. I don't like that Mace sneaks off every day for hours at a time and returns looking pale, weak and with a bloody bandage wrapped around his arm. Most importantly, I don't like Mace Windu, or rather what he's become. I sense the dark side in him. Mace always had the personality of a wet dish rag, but now he is downright bantha shit crazy. If need be, I will put him down. I have no problem severing limbs of old friends. 

Mace glanced outside and noticing the positioning of the suns announced, "Well, it's about that time." Then he did something he hadn't done before, he placed his handless stub on my shoulder and said, "You have a safe mother fucking day, Kenobi."

The message was cryptic enough, but the feel of that rounded nub on my shoulder gave me the heebie-jeebies. Why didn't he get a damn artificial hand? And when was he ever going to bathe? He's been with me for eight days and I haven't seen him touch a drop of water. I don't know where his stub has been. Hell, I don't even know how he wipes after going to the bathroom, or if he even wipes at all. 

So I waited a few minutes and followed the once great Jedi, who was now nothing more than a germ infested dirt bag. At first, his tracks led in the direction of Mos Espa, which is where he claimed to be going each day. Then, they veered off towards the Mospic High Range. I was convinced that I'd find Mace using the Tuskens for saber practice. I would have almost preferred that, because then I just could have killed him and that would have been the end of that.

I was fearful that I'd lose him in the Mospic Mountains, so I got within visual range. As he approached one of the region’s many caves I was surprised to see him hide Anakin's lightsaber behind an outcropping of rocks. He then entered a cave. Why would he leave behind his best chance of surviving whatever was in that cave?

Feeling like I had finally caught a break, I retrieved Anakin’s old lightsaber. I then stood in front of the cave and considered my next move. There was great pain coming from within the mountain. Something horrible was happening in there, and the dark side oozed out of every crack and crevice. 

Taking my first step into the cave I felt an enormous wave of pain and fear wash over me. It was as though I was back on Mustafar about to face Anakin. As I journeyed further in, it became increasingly darker, and I was actually expecting Vader to leap out and attack me. In order to see where I was going and in preparation for the dark forces that dwelled within, I ignited my saber and continued down the winding path before me.

This cave which should have been overrun with various creatures was completely devoid of life. It was as if all the insects, reptiles and rodents knew this was a place of death, and therefore steered clear. Just as I had noticed this lack of life, I heard a scream coming from up ahead. I was not sure, but fairly convinced that it was Mace. After a few more twists and turns through the dark cavern and I saw a light ahead. 

I entered a large area with an ocean of stalagmites, and within these formations I saw Mace hovering in a force field generator, the kind Count Dooku had me trapped in before the battle of Geonosis. There was a tube running out of his arm and his blood was being drained from him.

“Mace?” I whispered loudly to him. “What the hell is going on?”

“Kenobi, you dumb mother fucka.” his speech was slurred. “You don’t stand a chance against Vinto Tox.”

Vinto? The word was familiar. Rodese, I believe. I’ve heard it before. I believe it meant “Jedi”.

As I made my way to Mace in order to order to free him, I asked, “Jedi? Jedi what? What does ‘Tox’ stand for?”

Mace struggled to lift his head. His eyes were barely open and I could tell it took all his strength to speak. “Master, I did as you asked. I brought him here.”

“What are you talking about, Mace?” I was completely baffled at this point, but I knew that we had to get out of here.

“Tox,” a voice came from behind.

I spun around to find a Rodian standing right behind me, wielding Mace’s purple lightsaber.

“It means VAMPIRE.”

With that the Rodian began to crush my throat without him even touching me. I was lifted off the ground, feet dangling. There was nothing I could do. I was then thrown a great distance, and when I hit the cave wall there was only blackness.


End file.
